Okay, today I am starting fresh, again, for the third time. I don't have a clue to what is happening, one computer is froze to life and now this one has a phantom word snatcher. I get a document written and after I am almost finished...zap, it's gone, like it never existed in the first place. Maybe this mini bump is fitting since I was writing about trials and what God does with them. Okay, so here I go again and may God remind me to really use this brain He gave me and remember to save this file every so often.
I am a talker, always have been. Being a listener is something I have been working on as long as I can remember. Interesting what you can learn if you just listen. Not only to people, but to God. My mind is always racing around like there is no tomorrow. "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10 When I first heard that God wanted me to be still so I could know Him, that I thought impossible. Now I know better. "Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26 I can even remembering being so arrogant in my thinking, asking God to give it all to me now because I was ready, just CHANGE ME I said. I expected immediate. He said yes to that prayer, still is, in His way, not mine and believe you me, His way is much better.
Slowly, the reality of His way being the best, is seeping into my being and becoming solid ground for me. About a year after I gave my life to Christ, I was full of confidence in who I was in Him. There was a man I knew who called me a baby Christian. I was extremely offended by this, looking back, he was right. Walking with Jesus these past years has been and still is a growing experience. Often I ask Him why I do the things I do when I know my heart is His. God has since reminded me that this is a growing process, but I still struggle with how easy it is for me to sin. "We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin." Romans 7:14-25 At the same time I question the truth in others claims to be His child when I see no difference in them and the world. Yes, I am judging myself and them. Not saying I am right in doing so, but I am trying to be honest in my sharing. It is not right to judge, but I share to share my struggles in this area. Through my arrogance and through other believers God was and is teaching me the importance of spending time with Him. "We have much to say about this, but it is hard to explain because you are slow to learn. In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God's word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil." Hebrews 5:11-14 In this, it give evidence that someone can be a believer and still not know so little about who Christ is. On the same note, I wonder about the strength of their salvation..literally treading on thin ice when this thought comes. I guess that one is for man to read the evidence, decide, then walk in the consequences of his choice. "Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'" Matthew 7:22-23 "One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: "Aren't you the Christ? Save yourself and us!" But the other criminal rebuked him. "Don't you fear God," he said, "since you are under the same sentence? We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong." Then he said, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom" Jesus answered him, "I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise." Luke 23:39-43 "It is impossible for those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, who have shared in the Holy Spirit, who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the coming age, if they fall away, to be brought back to repentance, because to their loss they are crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting him to public disgrace." Hebrews 6:4-6
Learning to be a listener, God is teaching me more about His compassion and provision. When God calls us out of our comfort zone, I usually hit a low, which most of the time turns into a spiritual high. Sometimes faster than others, all depends on how which path I choose to follow. "There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death." Proverbs 14:2 "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6 Even when I make the wrong choice, which is often, He is quick to whisper life into me to draw me back. "This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words." 1 Corinthians 2:13 It's not about me and God gives what we need when we need it.
Consumed with emotion, about so many things, I tend to withdraw from people. It never seems to fail, right when I don't want to talk, people start to. Maybe the "hiding" times are God's way of getting me to be still. During those times, I tend to cling to Him more and hear Him more clear. All the while, He decides to place a talker in my world, just at that moment. This too, He uses. When I want to shut up, someone starts bearing their soul. This, I am thankful for. Because more often than not, as they speak, His words come to life in the conversation. He shows me that He has been through this, that we all face trials and there is hope in all situations for those who trust in Him. As we walk with Him, strength comes with each valley. "Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you." Philippians 3:13-15 "It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ. then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work." Ephesians 4:11-16
Ruditha was just sharing that she has four children. A daughter Emma's age, twin sons age seven and one daughter that she lost at age three. The way she shared it just threw me off my feet. It has been nearly three years since she has lost her daughter, but her eyes showed pain as if it was yesterday. She made the choice to leave her children, her family behind in the Philippines so she could come to Malaysia to work. This is a common practice that I struggle to understand. In Ruditha's case, she faced the pain of loosing a child to illness and then again she lost the rest of her children by choosing to provide financially over being their in person to love and nurture them. Again, I do not understand, but I do know that when they make these choices, there is pain there too.
As Agib was driving the other day he shared his concern for his aunt and her eight children that just lost their husband/father. Agib was scared because his uncle was in great physical shape, but still died of a heart attack. He is always full of stories of pain, struggles and questioning. As they often do, the conversation opened doors of discussion about the difference in our beliefs and the importance of being ready for death. We don't know when that hour will come. "Now, brothers, about times and dates we do not need to write to you, for you know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night. While people are saying, "Peace and safety," destruction will come on them suddenly, as labor pains on a pregnant woman, and they will not escape." 1 Thessalonians 5:1-3 "Wake up! Strengthen what remains and is about to die, for I have not found your deeds complete in the sight of my God. Remember, therefore, what you have received and heard; obey it, and repent. But if you do not wake up, I will come like a thief, and you will not know at what time I will come to you. Yet you have a few people in Sardis who have not soiled their clothes. They will walk with me, dressed in white, for they are worthy." Revelation 3:2-4
There are many more stories like these, different situations, but the same underlying message. We all face trials, we all have choices to make, some big, some small. The commonality in those choices is that we have consequences. What we do in those trials, makes way for the next. Every step we take does make a difference. Some good, some bad, but everything has importance. Our most important decision is where we choose to stand while we have a choice. We will all have to stand before God someday, whether we choose to believe He is who He says He is or not. "For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." 1 Corinthians 1:18 "For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ. And so through him the "Amen" is spoken by us to the glory of God. Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come." 2 Corinthians 1:20-22
So, for those of us who believe, we keep going, keep sharing, keep loving and walking in His grace and compassion. "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:2 "In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls." 1 Peter 1:6-9
