My Grace is Sufficient for Thee

This demolition mess reminded me of something very important. Notice what stands tall among the debris? It looks like a cross, standing strong in the midst of madness.

I often hit an emotional low when we move to a new place. It confuses me, when there are too many people around I want to run home, wrap myself in a blanket and just feel safe. The opposite happens when I am alone in a new place, my memories come rushing in and I so start missing my friends and family. This can be a time of great struggle. I hate to exercise, but force myself to do it and beat myself up when I don't. There are so many things I can convince myself that I am lacking..physically, spiritually, materiality...the list is a long one. I share this to lead into the thoughts that have been pressing so heavy on my heart these past weeks.

Sitting in front of the television, not interested in anything..even appalled at much of what I see, my thoughts took me to what was happening outside the walls of my apartment. It was late and I knew the PAD was camping out at the government offices they overtook earlier in the day. I started wondering what was going through their minds, knowing the police were going to forcibly remove them in the morning. I started thinking about their fatigue, their passion...no matter if it is right or wrong...the things that wore them down, that drove them, that raged through their minds. This brought me to thoughts of the people, the children living on the streets...I started wondering what was running through their mind.

So many people groups came to mind...thinking of the millions who were vegging out on mindless TV shows, those resting in a comfortable bed...those like me, sitting in a comfortable apartment while people right around the corner didn't have a shelter over their heads from the heavy rains during monsoon season.

Back to the point in sharing this. It is so easy to become self focused, forgetting how truly blessed we are. We all have struggles, terrible at times....but there is so much more to life than sulking and self pity. Our situations could be so much worse. This got me to praying that I would be shaken more about the things I see and hear in the world around me. That I wouldn't look the other way and that God would show me how to and when to act. Sitting in comfort and self preservation just can't be the reason we exist on this planet.

I listened to a teaching by Ravi Zacharias today. He shared a few encouraging writings that say it so much better...and as always, I have to share them with you all.

Make Me Thy Fuel

From prayer that asks that I may be

Sheltered from winds that beat on Thee,

From fearing when I should aspire,

From faltering when I should climb higher,

From silken self, O Captain, free

Thy soldier who would follow Thee.

From subtle love of softening things,

From easy choices, weakenings,

(Not thus are spirits fortified,

Not this way went the crucified)

From all that dims Thy Calvary,

O Lamb of God, deliver me.

Give me the love that leads the way,

The faith that nothing can dismay,

The hope no disappointments tire,

The passion that will burn like fire;

Let me not sink to be a clod:

Make me Thy fuel, Flame of God.

~Amy Carmichael

He Giveth More Grace

He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater,

He sendeth more strength when the labors increase;

To added affliction He addeth His mercy;

To multiplied trials, His multiplied peace.

When we have exhausted our store of endurance,

When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,

When we reach the end of our hoarded resources,

Our Father's full giving is only begun.

Fear not that thy need shall exceed His provision,

Our God ever yearns His resources to share;

Lean hard on the arm everlasting, availing;

The Father both thee and thy load will upbear.

His love has no limit; His grace has no measure.

His pow'r has no boundary known unto men;

For out of His infinite riches in Jesus, He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again!

~Annie Johnson Flint

"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2Corinthians 12:9

Faith-of Greater Worth than Gold

Often I sit out on our balcony, looking out over the city and wonder why we are here. It seems as if we leave the apartment , we are assaulted by so many emotions, it would be easier to just stay inside and bide our time until we are to go back to Malaysia. Hiding, staying in my comfort zone has always been something I loved to do. Just wanting to curl up some place safe, familiar and keep to myself. Even as these thoughts flow through my mind, the voice of God keeps reminding me that He brought us here for a purpose. That purpose isn't to site see and shop, it has to be something of more substance.

When we left America this time around, it was clear God wanted us to learn much in the days ahead. There is something inside of me that doesn't feel like I am "doing" anything unless I am physically doing something. So while I like to hide in my comfort zone, the other side of me is always stirring to get up and go. Again, this brings me back to why God wants us here at this moment.

We have been here a little over three weeks and after much struggling, it is starting to become more clear. Faith. With all the cautions about safety, especially concerning the children. All the darkness blending into the beauty of the area. There really is so much to learn. With every culture we are blessed to experience, there is always something to learn....not to embrace, but truly learn from. Being offered the opportunity to experience life in this manner opens our eyes and hearts to things we used to just read about.

A few years back, well before we left for India, I ran into a pastor from Africa. When talking with him, I could only tell him how my heart ached for the people of Africa. He asked me if I had been and this opened the door for me to share my fears of leaving my comfort zone. He gently encouraged me to go, explaining nothing really compares to experiencing life outside that comfort zone. First hand exposure to what others experience. I didn't fully comprehend what he was telling me at the time, but as time goes by it is aparant that living in this way has opened our eyes to how blessed and in some cases how desperate we really are.

Looking back I see how God was slowly preparing us to make bigger moves in Him. Before we even knew Him, He brought Arizona...seeds were planted there, but none took root. After venturing back home, he brought us to Texas. It was there our eyes were opened to His love, His power and the ultimate truth of Christ. He slowly enabled us to move from comfort to comfort, seeking less for ourselves and depending more on Him. The struggles have been and still are great, but even better is what He is doing through those struggles. The refining He is allowing us to experience is amazing. This of coarse, leads me to share one of my favorite scriptures...

"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy" 1 Peter 1:6-8

Back to Bangkok. He didn't call us to live in fear, but to live a life of faith. Not understanding all that is going on around us isn't going to cripple us. God has reminded me of the importance of prayer, in some seasons, this is the only action He may be calling us to do. Only, but not small. We need to be in constant communication with Him, but there are times where we are to draw much closer to Him for ourselves and for others. I believe this is a learning period.

We have been asked to look for housing here, to get a feel for the city and to strongly consider a more permanent move here. Keeping this in mind, now is a time to absorb our surroundings and pray. To take our time, explore, listen and learn. A time, even though it isn't what I planned in my mind, a time to be thankful because God had/has something better at hand.

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

The Mind Controlled by the Spirit is Life and Peace

Okay, I was really thrown off tonight. I had no clue what went wrong.

We were walking home from the grocery store and decided to take the overpass so we wouldn't have to cross the busy street with the kids. Brett and Emma made it over before Matthew and I did. I was holding Matthew's hand and carrying two small back packs as we were working our way down the wet steps. We were about half way down when the policeman at the bottom started waving his arms, saying things I didn't understand. We assume he wanted us to hurry. I did my best with Matthew, but like I said, we were carrying a small load, Matthew is a four year old and the steps and railings were wet.

We were pretty calm until I saw the policeman pull out his gun. I was dumbfounded, didn't know what was going on. He was still yelling, Brett said he was blowing his whistle, but honestly I drew a blank when I saw the gun. He did NOT point it at us, just took it out while he was yelling at us. Matthew and I were the only people on the steps, the only ones near the policeman. We made it to the bottom and kept moving without a word.

I was shaken to say the least. Racked my brain to figure out what just happened. It was a public walkway, we weren't doing anything but walking slow...the pace of a four year old working his way down the steps. We just didn't get it....it didn't make any sense.

Matthew keeps saying the policeman had a water gun. It's hard to explain to him what happened, to both of the kids for that matter. How can we explain to them when we don't understand what happened.

Racking my brain as to what got the policeman so upset, I started to search on Thai law in the internet. Found out much about the Thai police. What I did wrong was not jump when he said jump. Something got him edgy and he wanted us to move and we didn't do it fast enough. There are many reports that say the Thai police are easily agitated. There is an overwhelming amount of information on the Thai police, something key to remember is that no matter what, we are supposed to comply to their request with a humble smile and apologise if they look as if we have wronged them. There are laws in place, it's just that the officers are under paid and do as they see fit, with no real structure to answer to.

It is hard to explain this to the children, we have always taught them police were safe, to be trusted. The whole gun thing really tripped us up. Bottom line, I am thankful for God's provision in looking out for us in my ignorance. Often when we go to a new culture, much of what we see doesn't makes sense, often irrational. One constant is knowing that God is in control and this is what gives us great peace when it's all said and done.

"The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace" Romans 8:6

One of These Little Children

We have been less critical about having our clothes pressed since arriving in Bangkok. When I asked Matthew to go get dressed, he came out with a wrinkled pair of shorts on. He was so proud of himself for picking his clothes out, getting dressed and doing what his mom asked him too. When I saw his wrinkled shorts accompanied by his precious face my heart melted. He trusts me to take care of him, he trusts me enough to wear anything that I give him. He believes me, no matter what. This got me to thinking about the children on the street. Often we see children, as young as three, sitting on the ground, in a crowd begging. As we continue to walk, we see the mother watching from a distance. Just the other day we saw a young girl, with no shoes, washing a street sign that advertised an upscale children store....how ironic is that? Many of the street children have beautiful smiles and seem to be content in doing what they were told. In many cases, their mother was their overseeing their actions. The point being, our children trust us and at a young age like this, they trust unconditionally.

As long as I can remember, my heart has had a soft spot for children....I think this statement speaks true for many of us. I feel led to share some things God has made more clear these past weeks...both weighing heavy on my heart. We as mothers, as parents, have a HUGE responsibility with our children and children in general. They need us and trust us. None of us are perfect, but we do all have a sense of right and wrong. We are not to take this trust, this responsibility lightly.

Walking through the red light district we saw a little Asian girl, about Emma's age. She was dressed provocatively, had heavy make up on and was being entertained by a white man older than Brett. We can only assume what was happening there. I highly doubt this child or any of the other street children are their by choice as some have tried to convince me. Children are taken advantage of in many ways, some more in more heinous ways than others. Children trust, whether it is something as simple as Matthew with his wrinkled shorts or something as heart breaking as the little girl in the bar. God loves the little children, so should we. We need to be looking out for the little children, ours and those that are not getting the basic provision, protection, love and guidance that they deserve. The best examples come from the Word of God, we need to soak up these truths and put them into action...in our lives and the lives of those we encounter.

"Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me." Mark 9:37

"Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged." Colossians 3:21

"At that time Jesus, full of joy through the Holy Spirit, said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure." Luke 10:21

"And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them." Mark 10:16

"Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Ephesians 6:4

"But Jesus called the children to him and said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." Luke 18:16

Often so many questions, thoughts come to mind. Thinking back to when I first gave my life to Christ, recalling all that was brought before Him...He reminds me how He is active in our lives and in this there is strength and encouragement. Even when answers don't come quickly or in the way I would like or expect them to, we need to trust in His ways unconditionally. This is something that really needs to sink in, how are we to trust in Christ, unconditionally, as seen in the children. How can we truly offer the best to the children if we don't trust in the true source of all good? God allows us to witness and be part of examples on both sides of the fence...I pray we choose to bring life rather than death in the life we have been given.

We wanted the best for Emma when she was a baby and we did try our best, but it was such a feeble attempt in comparison to what we had to offer her after we gave our lives to Christ. He opened doors for us that we never knew were closed. He gave us more love, more patience, more guidance...He gave us Him, which enabled us to be better parents, better people... better children to our Father in heaven. Nothing in life can be done without Him...there is no life without Him, here and now or in eternity.

"And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 18:3

"As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him" Psalm 103:13

"As a fair exchange—I speak as to my children—open wide your hearts also." 2 Corinthians 6:13

"I am not writing this to shame you, but to warn you, as my dear children." 1 Corinthians 4:14

I so thank God for Him opening our hearts to life in Him. One of the many blessings that came from this, is a stronger sense of right and wrong. I never knew the love I had for my children could become stronger, nor did I know that He would enable me to love strangers so deeply. He teaches so much as we trust in Him unconditionally. Through things that cause a heavy heart in many, Christ has revealed a great promise and great commission....to carry His light into the darkness, again, both in our lives and the lives of those we are so blessed to encounter......what an awesome God we have!

"Even in darkness light dawns for the upright, for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man." Psalm 112:4

"When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 8:12

"The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned." Isaiah 9:2

"For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light." Ephesians 5:8

"..if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday." Isaiah 58:10

Grandma Get Me A Pet

Okay, this was way too cute not to share. Today at Jim Thompson, Matthew was so determined to buy this tiger card. I thought it was for him since he loves tigers.

Anyway, just a bit ago Matthew started asking me how to spell "Grandma Get Me A Pet". I asked him if he was forgetting something in his letter. He replied "it's grandma, I don't have to say please." I told him that he should always say please and again he told me that it was okay because it was grandma.

After he finished stuffing it into the envelope he started searching for paper. When I asked him what he was doing, he told me he was going to draw a picture of the pet. After he had the paper, he paused, got real serious and asked me "mom, do monkeys need a cage?" I told him yes. He then said, "no, I mean a REAL monkey, one to keep inside."

My words can't explain how adorable this was, but trust me, it was. To think he was planning it all day.

Jim Thompsons House

That was fast. We just got home from Jim Thompson's house. Beautiful, but you are not allowed to take photos inside. We got a few in the garden. Still learning about Thai silk. I didn't know there was much of a difference until a few days ago. When I was looking for some for my mother, I was surprised at the pricing. It ranged from $30 to $120 per meter (a little more than a yard). Because of the pricing, I wanted to learn more to make sure the purchase was wise.

After doing a little research I found out that true Thai silk will have obvious imperfections, that the print will be clear on one side and not the other. The last test was a burn test, true Thai silk will turn to ash when burned...I doubt I will be asking for the vendors to burn some for me to prove it's real..I also highly doubt I will be buying any due to the price.

If you want to learn more about Jim Thompson silk, here is the link http://www.jimthompson.com/index.asp They offer some beautiful, but pricey items in their stores. They had super cute silk toys, but again, the price is more than I am willing to pay.

Well, not much to share about our tour today...we did take our first train ride. I am thankful Tara (Jeff's wife, Jeff is Brett's co-worker) took us along and showed us the ropes or I doubt we would have made it. So many people rushing around, thankful we were able to stay together and keep safe....and we even managed to learn something.

Ronald Doing the Wai

Hi all. I decided to try out this space since so many were having trouble accessing our myspace blog. We will continue using this blog for more personal sharing. http://www.myspace.com/kneifl

Emma was embarrassed that I took this snap, but I had to.

I have never seen Ronald McDonald in this pose. The traditional Thai greeting is "sawatdee" accompanied by wai (Ronald here is pictured doing this) a slight bow, with the palms pressed together in a prayer-like manner.

I am running short on time today, so this is all I am going to blog for now. We are going to attempt to go to the Jim Thompson house today...I will be sure to share more as the days go on.